Plucking the teddy bear 

from its perch  

on the shelf.  

 

Tucked away,  

down  

deep  

in the brown satchel, 

a pastel painted stuffed bear carted off  

with a living will, cherry chap stick, and an iPod. 

 

She did not emerge, 

at first, 

covered by IVs, medical history, signatures,  

meetings with the anesthesiologist,  

and chatty small talk for 

distraction.  

 

Who knew the size of airplane seats 

could be so fascinating 

to fear filled ears. 

 

is 

everything 

in  

order? 

 

Whisked away  

before the tear of good-bye’s 

rolled 

down  

my  

cheek 

 

before the kaleidoscope  

comes into focus 

landing  

on the sterile surgical suite.  

 

When colors are a blur
in the aftermath 

of surgical cuts, 

she is left  

behind. 

 

Arriving home 

in searing darkness  

a haze  

vaguely remembering to pull  

the kaleidoscope color ball out. 

 

She emerged with my mother’s angel arms.  

and in her ear,  

I whispered everything  

I would have  

spoken 

aloud.  

 

Nerves awaken, 

insides tearing out, 

screaming  

to reconnect 

searing flesh, 

grasping to find one another 

in  

the vast emptiness 

filling  

with crystal light. 

 

embracing 

a palette of colors  

that lay beside me. 

 

Megan McLeod Cutter
November 24, 2016