Plucking the teddy bear
from its perch
on the shelf.
Tucked away,
down
deep
in the brown satchel,
a pastel painted stuffed bear carted off
with a living will, cherry chap stick, and an iPod.
She did not emerge,
at first,
covered by IVs, medical history, signatures,
meetings with the anesthesiologist,
and chatty small talk for
distraction.
Who knew the size of airplane seats
could be so fascinating
to fear filled ears.
is
everything
in
order?
Whisked away
before the tear of good-bye’s
rolled
down
my
cheek
before the kaleidoscope
comes into focus
landing
on the sterile surgical suite.
When colors are a blur
in the aftermath
of surgical cuts,
she is left
behind.
Arriving home
in searing darkness
a haze
vaguely remembering to pull
the kaleidoscope color ball out.
She emerged with my mother’s angel arms.
and in her ear,
I whispered everything
I would have
spoken
aloud.
Nerves awaken,
insides tearing out,
screaming
to reconnect
searing flesh,
grasping to find one another
in
the vast emptiness
filling
with crystal light.
embracing
a palette of colors
that lay beside me.
Megan McLeod Cutter
November 24, 2016
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